NEW BLOG!

Hi all,
I really appreciate the hell out of everyone that has supported this site for so long. I was recently picked up by masslive to write for them. Therefor, this site is probably going to take a backseat. The only differences between the new blog and this one is the lack of swearing. Which is probably a good thing. So if you wish to continue reading please click on this :

http://feedback.blogs.masslive.com

Word.

twinkie and a flashlight

Friday, Oct. 20th 2006
8PM

PACE

www.pioneerarts.org

MARK SCHWABER with ROB CONNELLY and JOSHUA CHURCHILL (formerly known as home.)
with
STEPHEN BRODSKY of CAVE IN
and
OWEIHOPS

$5 in advance at Night Owl Records
www.nightowlrecords.net
or $7 at the door.

I had this realization a few weeks ago. It hit me like a ton of bricks. The entire notion of world peace is a completely humanist faux pas. (This is especially crushing for me having been heavily influenced by beauty pageants since I was little.) As animals we are not meant to be entirely peaceful. By nature we are protective, self-indulgent and ambivalent to the all encompassing halo of peace. (Seriously. Relax. Whatever it is you’re worried about is just something that you should be taking prescription meds for. At some point, probably very soon, the earth will swat us away like the bug that we are.) Take what we’ve earned, we fight. Harm our young, we fight. (Give us 3 bottles of Zima and 2 Percosets and we knock down newspaper boxes on Main St. on our way to the bench in the park where we’ll spend the night hoping that the morning won’t bring stifling sunshine and a warm puddle of urine on our Ipod.) Whether it is with fists or words. We are not unlike bears, sharks, crickets, dogs etc etc. It is not in our genetic makeup to be entirely peaceful. I know that as a highly evolved creature (Justin Timberlake), capable of backing our decisions from an intellectual stance, we are much more probable to avoid cruel interactions by looking to our brains to serve us right from wrong. (You would think that it would also afford us the probability detector capable of telling us NOT to drink that 15th beer on a Tuesday.) To help us sway those nasty, adrenalized passions. This may be the case on paper, but it rarely happens. The exception to prove the rule. The rule that we are incapable of really getting along. (Except for American Idol winners. Flawless beings, they are.)

That made me feel better. Made me breathe a little easier. Made me realize that our president and his cohorts are just a bunch of assholes. Terrell Owens, an arrogant schmuck. Every Yankee fan in or surrounding the Bronx, an impish rube. People who use the word “resolve.” Motorcyclists that run their bikes for 10 minutes before driving them away. I guess the closest I (or you) can come to peace is through an inner one. A self imposed cleansing of the conscience. (If you’re going to perform this cleansing yourself I highly recommend using a flashlight and a twinkie. And for God’s sake, please read the instructions first).

You can't see planes

I went to the movies last week. The girl with the twitch that waits on me most afternoons actually asked me what I was going to see. Our usual interactions are “Would you like the extra large for 11 cents more?” or “Any M+M’s or Raisinetes with that?” I inevitably reply “No thanks.” I see her most every week. Long, dark hair. Very nerdy, like myself except she’s not trying as hard as I do. Her hat is always crooked and she has a notable twitch. I’m told that those kinds of slight facial ticks are related to one of several things. Tourettes. Abuse. Crashing a car through the window of a Denny’s at 4AM. You know.

Anyway, I feel strangely connected to her. She doesn’t really want to be working there. I don’t really want to go to the movies by myself all the time, but I do. I’m an addict. You could produce a movie about a piece of shit that speaks French and slays dragons while simultaneously being a debt collector and I’d go see it. Actually, I already saw that one. It’s called “Wedding Crashers”.

I’ve never talked with her, but I kinda consider her a friend. We interact privately. She’s quiet and seems nice. I’m quiet and don’t. But she threw a whole new step in our relationship the other day. I wasn’t ready for it. What was I going to see? Wait, you really want to know. I can tell. She’s made a breakthrough. I can tell she’s really reaching but I’m too much of a jaded prick to help her with it.

I was so used to her being one of those corporate employees. Where they make you say the same shit every time someone walks up to the counter. “Hello and welcome to Pride.” being one of my favorites. You can see these people programming themselves not only to say this ad nauseum but to keep themselves from biting off their own arm.

Does she like me too? Does she finally recognize me? Or has she been there long enough now that she’s starting to feel a little more comfortable? Could be a little of all those things. I can tell though, this is hard for her. To be socially gracious in general. Not because she isn’t kind. But because something in her doesn’t fire quite right when it comes to being comfortable and confident. I can completely relate.
“World Trade Center”
I wasn’t going to see that movie, so I don’t know why I even said it.
“Oh, it’s really good. I really liked it.”
“Cool. Thanks.”
I went into my movie 10 minutes early so I could listen to Phil Collins’ “Take me home”. For some reason that song sounds fucking amazing in a giant empty theater. Probably not the review that Phil would want, but it does. I was so disappointed in my movie girlfriend telling me that World Trade Center was “Really good.” Not because I’m being the leftist indie-rock judgmental asshole because I’ll gladly go see that movie. I thought about it actually. I thought that every 15 minutes I would jog out of the theater isle decorated with blue cloth walls and dim red lights and into the one playing Snakes On A Plane. Swapping out every 15 minutes. WTC. Snakes On A Plane. One to the other and so forth.

I think I was disappointed in her because I think she gave me a milquetoast response. She says that same thing to everyone, I thought. An extension of the sales pitch. I really thought we were going to the next level, and I’ll be honest. I was scared. But excited. You know what? I’m not just going to sit here and take this bullshit. We HAD something. I knew it would grow and I know deep down somewhere in her, she knew it too. I just can’t let this go. And I need some Twizzlers. I leave my seat with my half eaten nachos, large Coke and New Edition song (Mr. Telephone Man, for the record, sounds fucking amazing no matter what listening environment you’re in) and make a break for the stand. Nervously, I ponder how I’m going to do this. How can I approach her again? After what she’s done to me. There are two people in line in front of me. Two teenagers (the male hitting his girlfriend in the head with a wrapped straw) and some surfer/80’s looking kid. The new Indie Rock, I surmise. Read about it in SPIN. Basically, a threesome of douchewhistles. That would make a great band name. Anyway, “I’m just trying to pass your class, Mr. Hand” is finally done getting his blue Slurpee (a movie theater faux pas) and I’m there. Frozen. Smiling though. It’s hard to smile I’m thinking. It’s almost physical, the pain. She looks at me. Twitches. She always twitches. She’s smiling too. I wonder if she’s fighting it like I am.
“May I have some Twizzlers please?”
“Sure”
No apology. Nothing.
“You can’t see planes crashing into buildings without Twizzlers.”
Just like that, it came out. Shot like a bitter, sarcastic bullet. I’m such an asshole.
“That’s true!” she says, smiling.
She still didn’t get it. She’s just selling this place. We’re done. I can’t believe it’s over. I’m never going to the movies again. Well, until Tuesday.

Cereal says it all.

Cereal says it all. 



Not often do you live in a time where art and entertainment are impacted in such ways as to immortalize a certain performer/writer/musician/athlete/artist. I’ve been lucky enough to watch Michael Jordan perform from start to finish. Manny Ramirez. Roger Clemens. Pedro Martinez. Lucky enough to listen to Elliott Smith. Bad Brains. Read David Eggers. Etc. Last night I went to see Lady In The Water. The new M. Night Shyamalan film. I must admit, first and foremost, that I’m not much of a superfan of the horror genre. Not that I despise it, it’s just normally not my thing. People regularly pan M Night’s films for being too predictable. Which I find hilarious. I know that plenty of people enjoy going to these types of pictures to crown themselves the next Sherlock Holmes. I regularly hear “I figured it out in the first half hour.” Well, good for you. I choose to let myself get lost in the art form and try not to turn it into a project for myself. Most of the people that claim to “figure out” these films are the people that can’t find golf balls in a golf bag. So I guess it’s some sort of reasoning/logic fulfillment that they lack in other aspects of their lives. Or maybe they just enjoy the challenge. Fine. Regardless, it drives me nuts when people use this formula as a benchmark for their review of a film. It’s kind of like saying “I knew the chorus of the song was coming, it was so predictable that it took something away for me.” Knowing the chorus of “Jealous Guy” by John Lennon is coming makes it no less a perfect song. I guess I’m just a fan of letting art cradle me and carry me off.


Lady In The Water officially makes M. Night a monster in my opinion. It is one of the smarmiest, smartest and most beautifully filmed movies I’ve seen in quite some time. He takes the best complicated neurosis of Paul Giamatti (son of former baseball commissioner, and huge Sox fan, A. Bart Giamatti) and pairs it with the stunning subtlety of Bryce Dallas Howard. The rest of the nameless, faceless cast is flawless and wonderfully understated. Well, the insanely talented Jeffrey Wright isn’t nameless but is just as transcendently humorous as his counterparts. It’s also a cinematographers dream. Now, I know nothing about filming a movie but I do appreciate innovative and intrinsically, esthetically pleasing landscapes. This film is loaded with them. Pieces at the start of the film that were shot in moonlight and nothing else. Dark and mysterious? Sure. But more importantly, real. You feel yourself standing in Giamatti’s shoes. There is also a scene that is in a shower where the curtain is used as the centerpiece. Separating the crossword-puzzled interpreter and the guild of conjoined hearts (which happens to be 5 stoners) from the alien mermaid figure in the hotel tub. I’m not making this up. Smart, moving, cryptic and strangely peaceful and uplifting. This is the first piece of art that Hollywood has funded since Eternal Sunshine. M Night Shyamalan is the finest of his peers. Someone that I will refer to in the same breath as Michael Jordan, David Eggers and Elliott Smith when weighing in my opinions of the true greats in entertainment of our generation.

6 in 6

June 10th 2006 at the Elevens in Northampton, MA 

Half way round the world. Well, half way round the year at least. So I figured I’d throw out my favorite records/films of 2006 thusfar. Let’s see what gets bumped by the end of the year.


Sounds

Gnarls Barkley – St. Elsewhere
Flaming Lips – At war with the mystics
Dave Chappelle’s Block Party – Soundtrack
Quasi – When the going gets dark
Shadows Fall – Fallout from the war
Tool – 10,000 days


Sites

V For Vendetta
Dave Chappelle’s Block Party
Match Point
The New World
Munich
Mission Impossible 3


Busy lately. Just finished a mini tour with Matt Bachand of Shadows Fall. Much fun was had. Everyone treated us very well. I had to cancel a handful of shows because of a flare up in my allergies like I haven’t had in over 15 years. I use to get shots for them. Looks like I might have to again. My apologies to those that came out to support us. I feel horrible about cancelling but hopefully we’ll reschedule soon.


My record is getting some great reviews. I’m so thankful. The most recent one is on babysue.com. Here it is:


Mark Schwaber - The Killing Card (CD, Pigeon, Progressive pop)
This is an intriguing album that immediately caught our attention. Mark Schwaber creates uniquely entertaining music from a different perspective. His tunes combine highly melodic thoughtful vocal melodies with abstract musical passages...and the end result is extraordinarily effective. Instead of predictable tunes and cute arrangements, Schwaber writes and records mature, intellectual tunes that are sometimes reminiscent of Sufjan Stevens. There is a wealth of material to take in here. The Killing Card presents sixteen thought provoking compositions that flow by seamlessly...combining classic elements with unpredictable spontaneity. This man is bound to be a major player in the years to come. Cool reflective tracks include "The Pressure It Feeds," "Torture Ground," "Island of the Burning Trees," and "You Are Just Like Me. You Will Never Be Free." Recommended. (Rating: 5++)



You can read the others, as well as buy a copy of my new record “The Killing Card” by clicking here.


Spouse has wrapped up its first round of mixes for its forthcoming record. Wow. This might be my favorite record of theirs/ours yet. Which is big props coming from me, since “Nozomi” essentially changed my musical landscape.


Check out this magazine if you get the chance. My name was in it! Thanks to the great friends in Shadows Fall. You can get a copy here.

Horns! 

Please feel free to let me know if you have any records or movies that I left off my shortlist. I’m always game for new sites and sounds.

I promise nothing.

So I committed the official kiss-of-death foul. I said that I would be writing much more often on this site. As you can tell, that didn’t happen. My apologies. I have, however, been quite busy with many, many things.
The record release show we did at PACE was a huge success. Thanks in large part to several different folks. The Yucky Octopus guys and their fashion show were absolutely amazing. Chris (the band’s keyboardist/vocalist) really has a vision that seems to be shared by the rest of the band. I still say they sound like the Dead Kennedys. If the Kennedys started in 2005. So much cooler than all that other dime-a-dozen crap metal that plagues today’s airwaves.
I guess they turned away upwards of 60 people that night. Maybe we should do the show again? I don’t know. Probably not.
One of the highlights of the night for me was not only the sold out/highly attentive crowd but the fact that my friends Rob and Josh and I reunited for an impromptu performance of a song called “under them” from a band that we were in together from ’93-‘96 called “home.”. It was surreal for me, to say the least, to be performing a song with those 2 guys 11 years after the fact. Actually, our performance that night was literally our first in over a decade. We didn’t rehearse it and actually didn’t decide to do it until 3PM that day. I still say that of all the great bands I’ve been a part of “home.” was the one that I had the strongest connection with. We bonded on another level. An unexplained one. Almost as if we were born to make music together. It’s truly a feeling I’ve never had reproduced. That night brought back some of that fire. It was truly inspiring.


I’m looking forward to these upcoming shows that I have with old friend Matt Bachand. I guess it’s all over the internet now. Turns out that Matt is pretty famous.


I went to see The Roots last night at the Mullins Center with good friend and drummer extraordinaire JJ O’Connell. Mind blowing. I have to say, it was the most impressed I’ve ever been at a live show. They were easily the most talented, driven, inspired and creative band I’ve ever scene. Only Bad Brains moved me more. I suggest that everyone see them, regardless of what kind of brand you’ve stamped on hip hop. Their stuff is spiritual.
I have to go. Time to watch my DVD of Superfuzz. Don’t see red.
I promise nothing.
www.markschwaber.com

Fashion show

Friday, April 21st 2006 at 8PM. PACE. "The Killing Card" is officially released. Full band show with many crazy surprise. Yucky Octopus (and their fully realized fashion show) open. Tickets are $5 in advance at Night Owl Records. You can buy my new record at the show on this night or if you can't wait you can get it directly from me here : www.markschwaber.com


I'll be on tour with Matt Bachand of Shadows Fall at the end of May through June. Hope to see you at one of these shows.

chamber of water

Block party.
On March 14th I filled my day with music. You would think that most days of mine are filled with music. Owning a record store and playing in 3 bands. Even working at a bar with a great jukebox. I guess that theory would be correct in some ways. Although I think I tend to let music slip through one ear and out the other most days. It’s hard to get invested in the true spiritual element of music when you’re working. It becomes more of audio wallpaper for me. Yesterday I got to truly submerse myself in two wonderful arenas. I picked up the new Ben Folds DVD. It’s a concert in Perth where it is just him on the piano and a ninety piece orchestra. The arrangements were all done by various Australian composers/arrangers/performers. Whether or not you enjoy Ben Folds music (which I ecstatically do) this is one of the most moving things around. Just the sheer girth of ninety people pushing gorgeous air at you from a Petri dish shaped stage is quite an impressive thing. There is a moment between the songs “Annie Waits” and “Brick” that floored me. There is a moaning, groaning, living sheet of animal-like sound coming from at least forty or so string players that sets a enigmatic tone. A subtle, swaying beast crawls on the floor. Amazing.


Just a handful of hours after watching that DVD I went to see Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. I was in tears at least four times during the course of the film. I have a whole new appreciation of hip hop now. I think I easily wrote it off for a long time because of my insatiable appetite for melody and simplicity. But hip hop IS melodious. And simple in its groove by nature, hip hop leaves very little to still desire. Sometimes, I think I pigeonholed many rappers as misogynists/racist power mongers. I think that is still true of many mainstream performers. In all forms of music and art. However, the fearless leaders of the true spirit of the hip hop underground paint a very different and intriguing picture.


Kanye West exudes pure passion during his performance of “Jesus Walks” (which is simply one of the most powerful songs of the last decade). Talib Kweli and the multi-talented Mos Def do their best at shaking the crowd into a frenzy. Dead Prez ignite a hardcore fire much in the same way that early Public Enemy or MDC or The Dead Kennedy’s did 20 years ago. Lauren Hill and Fugees re-unite for the first time. I once spoke with Archie Shepp about many a great jazz players. He spoke of Coltrane, Miles and several other monsters of that genre with such great ease and familiarity that it was mind blowing for me. The only person he said was feared by everyone in the genre was Billie Holiday. She exuded this presence of respect and sheer and utter once-in-a-lifetime talent. She was the only person that made everyone shake in their collective shoes when she walked in the room. You get the feeling that Lauren Hill is the Billie Holiday of our time. She just drips of something above and beyond everyone else in her field. Wyclef Jean gives an uplifting performance and speech backstage to an all black marching band from Ohio. Telling them to never blame the white man. That it is a huge copout. Urging them by slamming his hand on the table to make their lives what they want them to be and never make excuses. Demanding that they go to the public library everyday and create their own betterment. The Roots are the backing band for the whole thing and I’ll tell you, there might not be a better drummer on earth than ?estlove. Groove and feel just fall off that guys hands at all times. Dave Chappelle has a sort of manic poetry running through him. Of course he’s funny. And gimmicky. He has everything that most successful comedians have. Great timing (which he credits Thelonius Monk teaching him), a funny voice, great facial ticks and a genuine “this is a good guy” feel to him. Deeper, however, I felt a somewhat turmoil-ridden man trying to discover what it is that he is here for. I read of his recent disappearance to Africa. Cutting off ties with his Comedy Central contract. Turning the comedic world on its ear. He lives in Southern Ohio. Roams the streets of his quiet, very white rural town with a sort of general glaze of a man searching for something more. He visits children in foster homes and makes you truly feel that he’s the person he comes across as. Genuine. Sweet. I felt that if this movie was never made you would still be able to find him doing all the things he did in it. Nothing seems forced by industry pressure. His actions seem real. His interest in throwing a party for those who might never get to be a part of something of this magnitude seem completely realized and pure. Seeing what this music did to the people in attendance was extremely moving. Then it hit me. Three quarters of the way through the film. Oh my God. He’s the next Richard Pryor.


I walked out of it thinking a lot about how lucky I was. How lucky we all are. We have such great access to such great art at all times. I felt like a better person somehow. Just by spending my day with these two very different portrayals of music and their respective environments. It made me wonder what it was about music that can shape our days in such overwhelming ways. Are we just chambers of water and muscle reflecting and absorbing sound waves? Do we live on a spiritual plane that is higher than anyone can comprehend? Where sounds create golden envelopes for us to file away emotions only to be able to open them and re-live them at anytime? Is it science or God? Why did I leave with these questions in my head? Well, isn’t that the beauty of music? You just never know what it will do for/to you.

be a paypal, would ya?

My new CD "The Killing Card" can be purchased online by simply going to paypal and entering this address:
night.owl.records@verizon.net
and sending $12.99 shipping and handling included. I will send one to you the following day. Thanks so much everyone.
Or if you live in Western Massachusetts you can simply stop by here to pick one up:
www.nightowlrecords.net

Just thought I'd share

These are 2 pictures of Spouse outside a early morning radio show in Maine in early 2005. I like them, however I don't think I ever noticed how much taller I am than the collective Spouse.
Just thought I'd share.

glow sticks and kicking the horse.

See! I told you I'd write more often. But maybe by writing more often you'll be able to tell that I'm not really much of a writer after all. I just have to rely on having a solid foundation on which to begin. When I don't have one I'll just sound like every other blogging dipshit. I'm afraid of this. Very much.
Went to see Killswitch Engage last night at Cabot St. in Chicopee-by-the-sea. Good times. It was my first time seeing them live (which I feel a bit goofy about since I've been real good friends with a couple of the guys for quite a few years now). So much energy and passion just pours out of that band. It truly was remarkable to witness. My favorite story from the night? I tipped the bartender 2 dollars for the water I ordered and she couldn't believe that it was her tip. She asked me if I needed 2 more waters (because they were a dollar each). I told her no, that the money was hers and she looked at me like I just told her that I cured her Mother's cancer. I feel bad for people that work in that environment. They see 300 people a night and probably walk away with 40 dollars in tips after a 6 hour shift.
Henning's (pictured above) in-store record release show was wonderful. Glow sticks were had by all. You really should buy his new solo CD. It's my favorite work of his to date.
I watched the Sixth Sense yesterday. For the first time in a couple of years. I found it to be overwhelmingly touching. Maybe it's because I have a cold. Either way, between M. Night and Charlie Kaufman I think that the quirky romance genre has never held more hope.
That's it. See! I told you it would suck. Now I'm just going to be known as the guy that kicks the dead horse.

Whitesnake vs. Baseball

So, my record is available locally on March 7th. Nationally on May 2nd. You’ll be able to get it at most local independent record stores or online through my newly discovered website www.markschwaber.com
I’ll be doing a tour of the Northeast at the end of May with Matt Bachand of Shadows Fall. Should be great. It’s the “Can’t harbor a donkey” tour. Don’t ask.
Spouse has been busy recording its 4th record in the cozy winter hills of Cummington. Yesterday Erin McKeown came by to sing on one of the new songs. She is a wonderfully cool person. I felt like I knew her for years after just spending 6 hours together. I hope to catch her at Club Helsinki this weekend. I guess her new record is going to be songs from the 1920’s. Should be pretty stunning given the strength of her voice. Hey, maybe she’ll sing on one of my songs one day. We talked about it. I have to say that this Spouse record is going to be my favorite record of theirs/ours to date. It’s chalk full of strange, Nozomi-like quirk and wonderfully manic Love Can’t Save This Love-like pop.
What am I listening to you didn’t ask? I’m excited about getting this CD I ordered by a band called I Am Spartacus. Today I’m listening to Monster Ballads (which is cock rock balladering from Whitesnake and the like) and the Baseball soundtrack. You know, the Ken Burns thing. Jesus, maybe I’m losing my mind.
I’m going to try and write in this blog more often. I think I always say that but this time I really mean it. OK, maybe I don’t. Gotta go. More than words is on the stereo and I have to sing the harmony. Please come see me sometime.

Sun. February 26th 2006 @ 9PM– The Basement – Northampton, MA – www.iheg.com
Solo opening for Matthew Hebert (www.matthewhebert.com)

Sat. March 4th 2006 @ 6PM – Platterpus Records – Westfield, MA –
www.platterpus-records.com
Solo in-store with Matthew Hebert.

Tues. March 28th 2006 @ 9PM – Bishop’s Lounge – Northampton, MA – www.martyhelly.com/bishops.html
Solo with special opener Matt Bachand of Shadows Fall (www.shadowsfall.com)

Wed. April 12th 2006 @ 9PM – Apollo Grille – Easthampton, MA
Solo with openers Matt Bachand (Shadows Fall) and Alice Austin (www.myspace.com/thelavas) ALL AGES.

Alice Austin

RECORD RELEASE SHOW!
FRI. APRIL 21ST 2006 @ 8PM – PACE – EASTHAMPTON, MA – (www.pioneerarts.org)
Please come celebrate the release of “The Killing Card”
Very special opening act; Yucky Octopus (www.myspace.com/yuckyoctopus)
ALL AGES. Tickets on sale now at Night Owl Records www.nightowlrecords.net
413-527-2444

Yucky Octopus


Matt Bachand

Thur. May 18th 2006 @ 8PM – Abbey Lounge – Somerville , MA - http://www.abbeylounge.com/
Solo w/ Matt Bachand, Spouse(www.spousemusic.com) and Moonshot

Sun. May 21st 2006 4-6PM – WXOJ Valley Free Radio 103.3 – http://www.valleyfreeradio.org/
Solo performance on air from 4-6PM. Also some guest DJ-ing.

Mon. May 22nd 2006 @ 8PM – The Red Door – Portsmouth, NH -
Solo appearance with Matt Bachand.

Tue. May 23rd 2006 @ 8PM – Johnny D’s – Somerville, MA - http://www.johnnyds.com/
Solo w/ Matt Bachand and Alastair Moock (www.moock.com)

Wed. May 24th 2006 @ 9PM - The Weathervane - Brattleboro, VT
Solo w/ Matt Bachand and Hayseed Chrome.

Thur. May 25th 2006 @ 9PM – Pete’s Candy Store – Brooklyn, NY -
Solo opening for Matthew Hebert (www.matthewhebert.com). Also with Matt Bachand.

Fri. May 26th 2006 @ 8PM – Aboveground Records – Vineyard Haven, MA
Solo in-store with Matt Bachand.

Sat. May 27th 2006 @ 9PM – Offshore Alehouse – Vineyard Haven, MA
Solo opening for the Kahoots (www.myspace.com/kahoots) and Matt Bachand.

Tue. May 30th 2006 @8PM – The Space – Hamden, Ct. – www.thespace.tk
Solo performance w/ Matt Bachand

May 31st 2006 @ 8PM – The Flywheel – Easthampton, MA – www.flywheelarts.org
Solo opening for Blame Game (www.myspace.com/blamegame). Also Matt Bachand.

everything else is none of your business

Where to begin?
First off, I wish to thank those of you who have been faithfully reading this. I truly appreciate it. It’s helped spark an interest in writing that I never knew I had. A secret and somewhat nasty little habit that I had been burying I suppose. So thanks. I mean that.
It’s been sometime since I’ve updated this thing. I feel bad about that. To my defense however, it’s been a wonderfully busy time. Let’s see if I can cover it all.
I finished mastering my next record and started designing the layout for it with dear friend J Johnson at Designfarm. During this time I had one monstrously helacious time with the foundation that owns the estate of Henry Darger (the artist from which I picked a 3 panel piece of artwork for “the killing card”. The cover photo is shown above). Ceaseless emails and phone calls. A purchasing and re-purchasing of copyright rights between 3 different organizations. It instilled some panic but only a healthy amount. The kind that keeps things electric and firing. I realized during the mastering process and initial layout sessions that this entire record is and exact replica of an anxiety attack. It starts frantically and grows slowly towards a horrific crash and then curtails you back into what you think is safety. In reality it’s simply a cushion for the next inevitable takeoff. Sure, make the metaphor yourself. Picture yourself taking off on a plane. As it reaches its peak altitude it is struck by lightning and descends erratically but ultimately safely. A friend said to me (just last night) that she believed that the true purpose of art was to make the truth beautiful. I can’t tell you how strongly that resounded with me. I won’t be so bold as to presume that I’ve done that with the themes of this forthcoming record, but God knows that that’s where my attempts in all forms of art lay their collective heads. The CD should most certainly be out at the turn of March. I promise.
Also, thanks to J Johnson, I have my own website now. Check it out. It's got a link to this blog there as well as the other shit that all music websites have. www.markschwaber.com
Jen and I expanded our record store. It’s almost too overwhelming to describe what it means to build something from scratch and nurture the ever-loving shit out of it. Thinking that it might be all for naught. Then one day you stand back and discover that you are capable of doing it. And not only capable, but on some levels you have succeeded. Come see for yourself sometime.
The holidays were great, albeit a bit quick and wearing. The store was bustling (well, let’s be relative here, we’re not exactly Best Buy. Thank God.) The last week before Christmas was definitely worth the wait business wise. We truly appreciate all of those of you that support us. It means more than you know.
I played a few solo shows that were really wonderful. I really enjoy playing to small crowds that are attentive. It makes it so much more special. Thanks to those of you who came out to the Apollo, Bishop’s Lounge and the Abbey Lounge in Somerville.
It’s been one month now. For those of you who don’t know, I asked Jen to marry me on Christmas morning. We cried. She said yes. Everything else is none of your business.

killing Johnny's card

I think I might use this photo inside my new CD. I have no idea who the guy in the front is. Hope he doesn't get pissed. If you look closely, Anne (who is a beautiful woman to begin with) looks like Sade. So cool.
So, it looks like my friend Adam D. will be mastering my CD. Which will hopefully be sooner than later. I am thrilled to have his gifted ears. I couldn't really afford to go to the guy that I thought I was going to use. Looked like it was going to cost 1,300 bucks. I asked Joel if Adam would be interested and he said "Of course! And he'd do it for 13 beers." I don't know if that's true or not, but I'll find out. I have tons of respect for the talent that Adam has. He's the Ken Mauri of metal. The man can do it all.
Also from the yes-this-goddamn-record-is-going-to-come-out-after-all department; I was recently granted permission to use Henry Darger's work (for a small fee) for my CD art for "The Killing Card". I am beyond thrilled with this development. His work is unsettling, anxious, cryptic, childish and beautiful. I think that I tried to capture all the former adjectives with my new record so I feel it's a perfect match. Anyway, the date inches closer and closer.
J Johnson of Designfarm (and probably more notably from National Carpet) is going to help me along with the layout and manipulations of the CD artwork. Free of charge, as well. Such an amazing, supportive guy.
And please, I beg you Red Sox fans. Don't be mad at Johnny Damon. It's all about the money and location (mostly money) for every single person in the MLB now. When Cal Ripken hung it up he also ended an era. Here, let me help you understand. Who said this?
"Baseball isn't what it used to be. It's all about the money now. No one plays because they love the game solely, it's all about revenue."
It was fucking Ty Cobb. In 1910. So let it go. Oh, and think of this way. Now that Johnny's gone maybe his legion of 14 year old girls in pink Damon shirts are gone too. Making it easier for people like me (poor but obsessed) to get tickets to a game that aren't either in the last row of the bleachers or 150 dollars apiece.

I leave you with the track listing of "The Killing Card." Why? Why not.

1) home.
2) The pressure it feeds
3) Everyone is gone
4) Torture ground
5) The combing of the bottom of the sea.
6) The drugs have shaped the angles.
7) Jesus Christ, man down.
8) The whisper no one else can hear.
9) Unbecoming (1992-94)
10) Island of the burning trees.
11) Forever every evening
12) Elephant's glide
13) Firefly parade
14) Stamp and release
15) Medicine you sent
16) You are just like me. You will never be free.

The record is dedicated to Brox.

5 in 5

Here's my 5 for '05:

Music
Lightning Bolt - Hypermagic Mountain
Lou Barlow - Emoh
Rogue Wave - Descended Like Vultures
Winterpills - s/t
System Of A Down - Mezmerize

Movies
Batman Begins
Cinderella Man
Grizzly Man
Broken Flowers
Fever Pitch (Yes, I am a sucker)

5 things I loved about 2005
1) The San Antonio Spurs winning their 3rd Championship in 7 years. In a league filled with prima donnas and egocentric morons the Spurs handle themselves with class, dignity and respect. They also play team oriented basketball. Which is a rare (larry)bird in the NBA these days.
2) Dear friends (and AMAZING human beings) Killswitch Engage and Shadows Fall have had HUGE success this year. Here's to many more. They are proof positive that the age old adage of "nice guys finish last" is a crock of shit.
3) The Red Sox championship trophy came to the Brass Cat. In case you missed it, click here.
4) I won the WRSI singer/songwriter competition and I finished my second record, which should be out early in the new year.
5) Jen and I made it through another year of very long hours together and hope to continue doing so for years for our baby.

5 things I hated about 2005
1) Bands that put out records that sound exactly like an old band. White Stripes = Led Zeppelin/Aerosmith. Arcade Fire = Talking Heads. And bands that put out records where every song sounds like a different old band. My Morning Jacket. Modest Mouse. My advice for these folks. Crawl into a closet with your guitar, take a New York Times front page with you. Eat an entire bucket of paint with a spoon. Read the whole page of the paper and then write a song about it. You all must purge the notions of derivation. The saddest part about this is that there are people surrounding these bands (producers, walking wallets, engineers, friends, peers) standing around patting them on the back. Oblivious. Or knowing and not letting on for hopes of fattening their bank accounts. Sickening.
2) R. Kelly's video/movie thingy. Sorry Matthew, I understand why you enjoy this. It is really easy to laugh at and make fun of but the reality is that this is passing as the biggest thing to happen to R+B since James Brown. When a musical style has hit its collective head on the ceiling you would think that it would be the most likely time to look out for ground breaking talent. Someone who rethinks the whole genre or takes inspiration from as of yet untapped sources. What happens here, though? This idiot makes music into a soap opera for soccer moms. I can't tell you how much it sickens me that this thing is a huge hit. Marvin Gaye (who changed the dynamic of R+B in the 60's by singing songs about the horror of war) is spinning in his grave. And for good reason.
3) Our presidential cabinet keeps insisting on killing our poor (as in "impoverished") kids in a foreign land (that doesn't want us there and poses no threat to us) so the rich can get richer off the blood oil of that nations soil. Bile inducing. Sadly, this will probably be on my list for years to come.
4) The passing of Brox. The dog that was synonymous with the Brass Cat. Sleep well, dear friend. I am less of a man without you.
5) I can only think of those 4 things. I guess that's a good sign for 2006.

Happy holidays all.

Shadows Fall and Killswitch Engage at Night Owl

Not nearly long enough, sir.

A sad day. Richard Pryor past yesterday. First things first. Richard Prior was fucking hilarious. Truly. His facial expressions. His wit. His fearless deliveries. Any film he made with Gene Wilder. An amazing man born to entertain. Crippled by MS. Tortured by his drug-abusing past, Richard left us far too soon. 65 years. Not nearly long enough for this man who helped change the shape of comedy. He was fearless and undeturred. Calling his fellow men "niggers." Shocking his predominantly black audiences. Straying from the constant bureaucratic push of the men in suits that wanted him to be the next Cosby regurgetation. He challenged political avenues at every crossing. Pushed the boundaries of preconceived biases. During one show, after the return from his first ever trip to Africa, he decided to go on a rant about how often it is that he uses the word "nigger" in his show. Quoting Muhammad Ali he continues "...there is a dignity in their poverty that we don't have. That's what makes them so much stronger than us. As of this day...I will NEVER (pauses while beginning to sob)...use the word "nigger" again." So moving. To watch this perfectly successful (at that point, he was on top of the world) man embrace his own ethical developments in front of 3,000 people (and a video taped performance) was something that was, and is, unheard of. The definition of bravery. Muhammad Ali and Richard Pryor. Two of the most important men in American history. He will be be spoken of as a troubled comedic genius in the major media markets. He was so much more.
Not nearly long enough, sir. Not nearly long enough.

I’m no better than you, and you no better than I.

I won the WRSI singer/songwriter competition. I’ve barely ever won anything. Some baseball awards and a hundred bucks on Keno once. Oh, and a hundred bucks on a scratch ticket from my parents one Christmas. The prizes I received for winning this are a Martin LX1. Which is a cool, travel size mini-guitar. I like the way it sounds. Maybe I’ll put a pickup in it and play it live sometime. I also won some recording time at Signature Sounds Studios. 10 hours. That’s great. I already have a song in mind to do there. Maybe it will be available on a split 7” with someone. Sometime. Who knows? I also won a portable PA. Hands down the most important part of all the prizes that were rewarded to me. I haven’t picked it up yet. When I do, it will serve as a permanent system for our in-store performances at Night Owl and also as a rehearsal PA. I used to lug the PA from the Brass Cat back and forth every Saturday night. I played on Johnny Memphis’ show yesterday afternoon. That was fun. I played “Ghosting” because the River has been playing it constantly from what I hear. This all means so much to me. I’m shocked and most certainly pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. I’m completely grateful to Marty for talking me into joining. And equally thankful towards those of you who judged this thing. I had a great time playing with Alex, Brendan, Eric and Kyle. All great writers.


I am most certainly no better than any of the aforementioned folks. Music is subjective. Completely. You know, dancing about architecture. Everyone reserves his/her right to like/dislike anything that they wish. I personally didn’t think I had a remote shot of winning. Why? I thought that the River would be looking for someone who was a little more straight-forward pop/country songwriter. You know, someone who fit (what I thought was) their style. I rarely listen to radio. So when I put on the River last week I was thrilled to hear them playing some great contemporary bands like Rogue Wave, Sigur Ros, Spottiswood, Lou Barlow, Nada Surf etc. That made me nervous. Oh God I thought maybe I do fit. I still didn’t think I would win though. Truly. I was shocked to receive the phone call from those guys telling me I had won.

I would like to clear the air on a few things too. This was a competition. Yep. There were several rounds and one winner picked. I have never, and never will, see music as a sport. I’m a big sports fan. I find it hard to even talk about both in the same night. They’re two very different visceral and electric beings. I’ve never once played a single note thinking that I was going to “blow someone off the stage” (a phrase I’ve heard from tons of people of the years that still makes me cringe). I’ve never felt I was better than anyone else in any musical way. I can play guitar pretty well. I can’t do simple math in my head. I can reach the things on the high shelves in people’s homes for them. I can’t cook very well. I’ve just recently learned how to sing. I can’t fly an airplane (or even get on one). I can throw a baseball pretty hard and accurately. I can’t do anything that requires building and/or fixing anything with my hands. I can play bass, piano, drums and a small handful of other things. I can’t dance. At all.

What I guess I’m saying is, don’t we all have lists like this? Do any of the things on them make us any better than anyone else? Of course not. I think it’s a great brevity meter. It should allow us to acknowledge ourselves as imperfect. It should also allow us to harness our abilities and accept them for exactly what they truly are. Trivial. I’m no better than you, and you no better than I.

So I won. I won because there were a handful of people that were judges that evening that just happened to like my music. I never changed myself at all during the course of this competition. I still took my dog for a walk every morning. Busted my ass all day long and played music that night for a group of sweetly attentive people. Same notes that I play when I play at the flywheel. Same words as when I play at some bar. Same in-between song banter as always. I will never sacrifice my integrity for personal betterment. I will never sell out. Music means too much to me to do that. To anyone brave enough to think I would do so I would appreciate them telling me that to my face. So I could fucking drop them. I will never change what I do and how I do it. What I think or why I think it. Who I am and why. Never.

4.

“Two Years and Thirty Minutes” record release – PACE – Easthampton, MA – July, 2004

This is the most recent of my favorite 5 shows. Happening in July of 2004. Many of you who read this were there so I welcome any and all input in case there’s something that I missed.

I worked so damn hard at promoting this show. The hardest that I’ve ever worked at it, actually. I usually fall asleep at the wheel when it comes to promoting. Specifically, when it has to do with just me. But this wasn’t just about me. So many people were involved. It all started somewhere back in the fall of 2001. I had recently stopped playing in my last band (Hospital) and I began recording tracks here and there with one of my oldest (and closest) friends, Karl Ourand (Bloodbath, Pushbutton Warfare). After 6 years of being in Hospital I decided that I wanted to record as much as possible by myself. I was sick of being dictatorial. Most things never ended up sounding like what I wanted them too when I told other band mates what I wanted. I most certainly resented this sometimes. Acted like a child. Berated friends. It’s not their fault though, it’s mine. Being humble, I guess I just had a hard time telling someone what to do without feeling like some huge, egomaniacal prick. So I let people off the hook. Oh, that’s good enough I would think. I wanted to stop that. I wanted to make a record like the one that I’ve heard in my head for years. And this time, there would be no one to blame but me.

April of 2002 is when I quit drinking. I had a problem. A big fucking problem. It’s safe to say that I consumed 7-10 beers and 3-4 glasses of whiskey a day. Seven days a week. I only weigh 165 pounds (at the time 185) at 6’3”. Yes, I was killing myself. I called Kevin O’Rourke in tears, at 2 in the morning, yelling It’s got me and I can’t fucking get out. I talked with Matt Hebert about it. Telling him how scared I was. He told me that if I quit he would too. Out of complete camaraderie. I told him that I knew I was going to die if I didn’t . He could tell that I meant it. I got a lengthy email from Jose Ayerve that basically said that I needed to get myself together. It was very caring but also very demonstrative. I was embarrassing myself everywhere. JJ O’Connell repeatedly pulled me aside and through a broad range of concern and anger told me that I needed to change. Soon. It made him sick, what I was doing. He had a history of alcohol in his life. It really hit him hard. I remember pulling into some package store in West Springfield, MA on the way home from Bradley Airport so I could buy 4 nips of vodka to chug because I was convinced I was dying. It was 10:45 AM. I was borrowing money to pay electric bills because I drank all my money. I was beyond irresponsible and completely untrustworthy. If I promised someone I would be somewhere it was almost guaranteed that I wouldn’t. I would cancel gigs just so I could indulge. I stopped drinking the day after I refused to get on a plane because I was so scared, and partially sober (which made it worse). I ruined plans for my then girlfriend and I to go on vacation to San Antonio. We were going there because she bought me tickets to go see two Spurs games. I’m a big Spurs fan. Yes, she did it all for me and I ruined it. I couldn’t deal with myself anymore. I knew that if I kept drinking I would roughly have a half of a year left before I died. I was physically ruined. Let alone emotionally and mentally.

I didn’t use AA or any other sort of recovery group. I put the bottle down and never picked it up again. For the first 2 or 3 weeks I went through horrible DT’s. Sleeping an hour a night because my body was convulsing. I was still convinced that I was going to die. I was having irregular heartbeats and vertigo issues. I roughed it out. I haven’t had a drink since. It started a domino effect of changes. I left a 5 year relationship. Moved out of where I had lived for 6 years. Met Jen and fell in love. Opened a record store with her. Adopted a dog. Bartended (of all things) 3 or 4 nights a week for a summer or so. During all that time I was traveling all over the place with Lo Fine and Spouse. I was also recording my own songs, with a few friends, at Karl’s, Slaughterhouse and at Bruce Tull’s house. When I finally finished my first record it felt like it was someone else’s. It meant more than anything I had ever created before. I still think it’s flawed and a little scattered but there’s some genuine discovery on it. I finally realized what I could do if I wasn’t inhibited or polluted. I feel that it is important to air all of this out. This was the reason that when asked how I felt about the record release show I responded with a I can’t get my head around it. It means more than anyone knows. Well, maybe now (for the first time) I can really let you all know why.

The show itself was completely transcendent. My dear friends The Malarkies came up from NYC to open the night. They are one of my favorite bands of all time. Truly. In the top 10. Maybe 5. I remember pacing around during the afternoon of the show. I had hung up all the great posters that Max designed for me. I did a whole bunch of internet promotion and word spreading. Jen helped me so much. She covered my ass while I ran around thinking about nothing but this one night. I still felt like no one was going to be there. Not out of some attack of humble, but based on all of the bridges I had burned and the way I had treated people during my wasted days.

I walked outside of PACE about 5 minutes before The Malarkies started. There were probably 30 or so people inside. Outside, however, there were at least 50 something. Including old friends and people that I didn’t even recognize. Turns out the show sold out. 120 something people. All listening. All night. Matt Cullen, Paul Kochanski, Jose Ayerve, Kevin O’Rourke, JJ O’Connell, Philip Price and Flora Reed played every note of my record with flawless precision. I felt lifted. When I reflect on that night I find it hard not to think of Jose, Kevin and JJ. Three friends that helped me through so much. JJ, for instance, is like a brother to me. We yelled at each other. Got pissed. Wanted to punch the other in the face. But when it all came down either of us would take a bat to the head of anyone who crossed the other. I credit him with having a huge roll in saving my life. I’ll never forget that night. I heard a lot of people refer to it as being “magical”. I think I shied away from that for awhile out of embarrassment. But, you know? They were right. It was.

miss.

Just back from West Hurley, NY. Spent two days with Dan Pollard, Jose Ayerve and JJ O’Connell writing and recording songs for what will be the next Spouse record. It’s always great to see Dan. He’s currently working towards his PHD in Evolutionary Genetics (or something very close to that) at Berkeley (the one in California, not the one where you learn to get paid by the note). He studies DNA strains and genetic coding within insects (specifically flies) to determine how it is that the genes themselves evolve. Oh, and he’s a great musician. Really inventive and intuitive. And very objective. I’ve always had a really hard time separating myself from a piece of music as its being born and molded. I usually need to hear a recording back to start to understand where it is that the song is going. Dan knows this stuff immediately. Maybe he was bit by one of the flies he was studying and now has super powers. Actually, I guess that would be a pretty lame super power. He noted our angular, new wave approach immediately. I’m not sure why it is that the 2 songs that we all wrote together sound like that. I went in thinking (and vocalizing at dinner on the first night) that I’d love to hear the band get back to some of the things that were happening on Nozomi (Spouse’s first record). Strange sounds and loops. That record helped shape the last 6 years of my life creatively. Everyone was in agreement with the point that I was making. So what do we do? We write 2 angular, new wave songs. Oh well. Don’t get me wrong, I think the tracks are great and will probably be worked into something rather wonderful.
While we weren’t recording we had time to eat, sleep, shower, watch a movie, drink ginger tea, check email, hang out and catch up, call our spouses and most importantly listen to the other songs that have been recorded for this upcoming Spouse record during this 2 month long stretch. There are some amazing songs. I’ve already got my favorites from the roughs. Don Mcaulay played some amazing drums parts. I have to warn you though. There is a song that I’m pretty sure is finished and will most likely be on the next record. JJ and I sat and listened to this as of yet unnamed track. Stunned. Tears. Every hair on our bodies standing up and frozen in electric waves. I couldn’t say anything for 5 minutes afterwards. Actually, I still don’t know what to say. It’s a song about Jose’s father and so much more. All I can say is that it’s one of the most amazing songs I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Prepare yourselves.

I’m one steel string guitar, one distorted bass and one more vocal away from having a completed 16 song second record. Still looks like early 2006 for “The Killing Card” on Pigeon Records and Lucky Creature.

Not that this is anything new, but…
I bought the New York Times on the way out to New York and JJ and I looked at every story/sidebar on the first 26 pages. I actually read at least 20 of them (he was driving). There was 1 story that didn’t have to do with death, crime, corruption, rioting, terrorism or embezzlement. That story was about this wonderfully colorful event in Mexico. A huge festival to save an endangered butterfly. Ironically, the butterfly has to be near extinction for this wonderful outdoor event to happen. Sad world.

I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (for the 10th or so time) on Tuesday night. I started it at 2:30AM. Next to a wood stove. It made me miss Jen and Scooter. What a perfect film. I miss wonderful moments only seconds after they've fled. Jesus, what a fatalist.

I miss the fall. It smelled like it at times but never quite looked right.

My brother comes home for Thanksgiving. Actually, he comes home on the Friday before. This is us:


I miss him.