Day 378

Three days into the SCD program, I stopped. Cold.

The depressive state I dove into was alarming, deep, immediate, and visceral. Granted, I suffer from depression (something that I am on western meds for), so I suppose that my already completely out of wack dopamine levels are impressionable, to be diplomatic. I felt hospitalized. Cornered by sadness, a complete lack of energy, and a lack of even wanting to find any. If I were further along in my recovery I would've fought through it. But the dangers are still too present. And I couldn't risk heading down roads that lead to places that only end with dire consequences. I will say that my stomach felt great for those two full days. Better, in fact, than it ever has. Driven by that, I've decided to go unprocessed in all of my food choices for now. This coming from a guy that lived out of boxes of foods for years. Pasta, breads, sweets, etc. So far, I feel pretty good. I don't have the stomach relief that I had for those brief days, but I most certainly see a very noticeable improvement, and I also immediately leapt from the depression within moments of making the decision to stop. Food is a motherfucking powerful beast.

The SCD program, however, has done wonders for my fiancee. She is, it should be noted, someone that does not suffer from addiction or clinical depression. So I suppose my generic statement is if you wish to try this program, and you're a victim of any sort of mental illness, check with your doc before starting.

Sorry. I just got distracted. Sammy Hagar has a song that contains the line "I'm alive when I breathe the air..." Give me a second. I have to clean some water off my computer.

OK. Back. Shit, that was too good.

In other news, I received my one year coin last night. I had a dear friend in the audience that made the special trip to be there. My fiancee was also there. For many, many reasons it was one of the most moving days of the year for me. Some things (most, if you can believe that) remain private however.

Earlier in the day the present my fiancee ordered for me arrived. It's one of my favorite pictures of us. We have a nearly all black & white artwork delegation in our hallway, and I just love it in all of it's canvas glory.

We also might have met someone. I say might. We'll see. I am a dog person. She is a cat person. Neither of us dislikes the other, we're just more drawn to one than the other. My only rules are don't bite me, don't scratch me, don't destroy every piece of furniture in the house, shit in your disgusting box, and don't attack our future dog.

There will also be rules for the cat.