abject horror and immobilizing beauty.

Hello,

It's been too long. I wish I was better at staying present with this site. In return, however, I've never done a better job at being present in real life. I still struggle and fumble with it, but there's a marked upgrade from the time when I used to write here with frequency. My distance from this, and from social media, has proven to work towards the betterment of my overall health. Unplugging and whatnot. It really does work, for me. I wish I could partake in many things in life, that most can, but I'm afraid that I must embrace my neurological limitations. In order for my soul to survive I need to always take an objective look at where I'm spending my time. Like I said, I fail often, but not as regularly as I used to - and when I do I find that the process of recovering is much shorter and more focused. Basically, after 45 years, I'm slowly starting to learn how to treat myself kindly. For any of you that had/have scorn towards me, I can only promise you that that scorn was multiplied by 10 due to my penchant towards rather brutal self-flagellation. I only hope to one day make peace with all of you, so we may move forward without what can be seen most probably as only the lightest of baggage.

I've made some pretty radical changes over the last 5 years. I still do work, daily, to live in a world that allows me freedom from addiction. I even quit smoking just over 2 years ago. However, I've also found myself feeling my age for the first time. I have a chronically pitiful stomach, aches and strains, weight gain, and ever looming anxiety & depression. In direct dichotomy I'm employed in a rather Utopian community that allows me to use music as a means towards holistic healing. My wife and I both work together, and have busted our collective asses to garner as much freedom as possible. We revel in daily affection, tenderness, self-care, and humor - all while submerging ourselves in our respective art forms. All these curses hold no ground against the strength of the unquantifiable graces that have been bestowed upon us. We all suffer, and we all have the ability to walk through it. Please know you can reach out to me at any time if you (or anyone close to you) need(s) any help with this process.

I am planning on checking in on here more often. I've said this before, and I'm prepared to fail. I'm fine with that. But in the event that I achieve this I want you to know that these ramblings will be just that. Rolling. Some will have intent (it's nearly impossible to promote unrepresented music/art/writing/events these days without the shiny box - so I will most certainly be talking about my life in the arts and recovery), some will be poetic musings, some will be aimless journaling, and all of it will be authentic.

I will be recording another record this year, to be released this year. And it may not be just one record. I am currently in the beginning phases of building a home studio and plan on releasing works from that. I also plan to perform with others, and may be involved in some exciting projects. There's travel in the future (quite a bit of it, I hope/think), and some new projects in the field of recovery as well.

I can't thank you enough for staying with me for all these years. Through all this abject horror, and all of this immobilizing beauty.

You can listen to every song I've ever released by CLICKING HERE.

You can follow my wife's breathtaking artistry by CLICKING HERE

As always, any and all shares/purchases are so greatly appreciated, and none of them are lost on me.

In solidarity,

M