Saturday, August 22, 2015

Day 889 - NEW SONG!

New song alert!

A VERY ROUGH mix of a new song from the forthcoming *White Flood* record. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN FOR FREE!

Recorded by Joel Stroetzel.

Mark Schwaber - throat, guitars, bass, drums

Joel Stroetzel - keyboards

Remember, there's still a lot of work to do on this one, sonically. Hope you enjoy!

All shares and comments are GREATLY appreciated!

xoxo

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Friday, August 21, 2015

Day 888 - 15 years of sound

Hi all,

I finally have one place that houses nearly all of the music (of my own) that I made for the 15 years between 1993-2008.

CLICK HERE to access all of these things, cheaply.

home. - my band from 1993-1995. For the first time ever, the original 5 song demo and another 8 previously unreleased songs are now available at this site, and only at this site! A mere $9.99!

hospital. - my band from 1996-2001. I made a compilation of songs from our 2 releases, hospital. (1996) and 16 Endings (1999). Only $6.99!

My 3 solo albums - Two Years And Thirty Minutes (2004 - $7.99), The Killing Card (2006 - $7.99), and the previously unreleased Those You Trust (2008 - $9.99)

Any and all support is so greatly appreciated!

Keep an eye out for a round of shows this Fall, I'd love to see you all out and about.

xoxo

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Sunday, April 05, 2015

Day 748 - Preview from "White Flood"

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Day 730 - 2 years

2 years clean and sober today.

2 years ago today, I was on the 4th floor at Cooley Dickinson. It was my first full day without any alcohol in my system in slightly over a month. I weighed 146 pounds (195 today), had trouble walking, and would shake for a good 3 weeks after that. It was my 2nd time in exactly 1 year that I hadbeen in this position. This time, I had decided to kill myself with it. I did not want to die, but I just couldn't take the physical and emotional pain any longer. The 1st time this happened, I barely survived. I would make sure I didn't survive this one.

I was a decimated shell.

After a turn of events that allowed me to see that I wasn't nearly as alone on this earth as I thought, I was granted the opportunity to truly face myself. My entire self. And it was not easy. I had to fight every single moment, for nearly a month, just to keep from breaking down in tears all day. 6 or 7 times a day was bad enough.

I still get sad. About things I no longer have, about the experiences that are now just distant moments. Sad about the fact that the last 3 years might as well have been 15. Sad that I seemingly lost Scooter a set of lifetimes ago. Today is one of those days. Today, I am sad.

I say this because invariably, these days happen to everyone. No matter their path. It's the one web we all share. Suffering.

And here's the rub.

In my wildest, most fragmented heart, I find a deep unadulterated beauty in that. It makes me smile. It makes things warm, safe, and whole. Not at all because I am somehow happy that others deal with this shit too, that's not it at all. This is an individual peace. One that comes from a place that maybe only a few of us that are crazy enough to ride the ride to the edge can appreciate.

I promise you this. No matter what you're worried about. Seriously, no matter what it is, I promise you this. You will BE.

Yes, you will BE.

And for this realization, I am forever grateful.

I love the bitter, gorgeous, stagnant, vivid, annoying, hilarious, fucked up, wondrous, pathetic, beautiful ride that I am on. With so many people that I so deeply love. And I love how deeply appreciative I am for all of those that love me the same way, in turn. And I love all of the stunning music, art, film, and books that I get to be surrounded by. I get to create. All the time. And I love watching sports with people I love. And I get to share my story with small groups of those in the midst of deep, dark suffering. Weekly. Nothing I have would be possible if it were not for the subject matter of this paragraph. Nothing.

I don't ever plan on moving forward in life. I don't like that thought. Never have. That 'onward and upward' thing. It's not for me. I love the circles. Concentric and overlapping. I love that I get to float around here, in this mortal coil, for a bit.

That's why it is OK that I am sad today. And it's OK if you are too.

Just BE.

I'll see you in one of the circles.

All love, always.

M

PS - I don't have any answers, but I definitely have a conversation. If you need, don't hesitate. My door (message box) is always open.

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Monday, March 09, 2015

Day 772 - That one time, at band camp.

All three of my solo records (including the previously unreleased "Those You Trust") are now available for the first time ever, on this website.

Just click here for the Bandcamp page!

xoxo

Sunday, March 01, 2015

Day 714 - Those You Trust

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Day 706 - God Sleeps